Form partner

Do not sell my info. Facing financial hardship? Learn how we can help. If you are using a screen reader and are having problems using this website, please call 800.948.6677 for assistance. Partner definition, a person who shares or is associated with another in some action or endeavor; sharer; associate. See more. We have three types of partners: First-Line Business Partner: A partner who receives information from DMV and uses it to complete registration and titling activities for their own business purposes. First-Line Service Provider: A partner who receives information from DMV and transmits it to another authorized business partner for registration processing. The Best Value in Grocery Kit Delivery. Search for: Search Menu Partner Registration Form - Cognito Forms H-E-B Partner Services. We employ over 100,000 people we call Partners. We're all working together in the Spirit of H-E-B; committed to excellence and engaged in a cause that's more than a job. We believe people matter, and we have a mission to make their lives better. PartnerNet. Form 9 is required to be signed from the person who is willing to be appointed as Designated Partner / Partner in LLP, pursuant to Rule 7 and Rule 10(8) of LLP Rules. Form 9 is required to be obtained in following cases. Looking for joining a JotForm Partner Program? Fill out the application form, choose partnership type you are interested in and open the door to 8+ million users! A business partner application form that provides the applicants with full detail of the business and your terms and allows them to apply for partnership through simply providing their contact details and answers to some business-related questions. Business Forms. Dealer Registration Form efi. IR-2020-240, October 22, 2020. WASHINGTON — The IRS released today an early draft of the instructions to Form 1065, U.S. Return of Partnership Income PDF, for tax year 2020 (filing season 2021) that include revised instructions for partnerships required to report capital accounts to partners on Schedule K-1 (Form 1065).. The revised instructions are part of a larger effort by the agency to ...

Nature Was Metal

2016.07.13 15:03 Nature Was Metal

A collection of dinosaurs and other awesome creatures that are now extinct.
[link]


2017.01.23 12:39 KRPTSC Crafting worlds, one message at a time

Find a pal, agree on a setting and come up with the most exotic, futuristic, fantastical or plain out silly worlds you can think off.
[link]


2012.01.22 22:06 rookayyy Reddit's Bodyweight Fitness Community 🏸

Bodyweight Fitness is for redditors who like to use their own body to train, from the simple pullups, pushups, and squats to the advanced bodyweight fitness movements like the planche, one arm chin-ups, or single leg squats. Start your fitness journey with our Recommended Routine and wiki.
[link]


2020.10.22 21:55 SadInsurance247 AITA? New Poly Partner Advice Help

So I (NB24) and a new potential partner (M23) both go to an incredibly small liberal arts college (literally like 60 people). We are all required to live on campus all four years and live in one dorm. He has been pursing me to be partners, and I feel awkward about to idea of being in a poly relationship in such a small community, it feels like going to school and living in the same dorm and us having additional partners specifically at school is a lot to ask. I also don’t really want to have to befriend and get close to any other partners he would have on campus, but it would be impossible not to with such small space to occupy. I told him that my boundary was if I were going to be his partner, I would prefer for us to not have other partners on campus because it feels destined to be messy in such a tightly knit small community. (I’m ok with FWB, sexual relationships, etc). I’m ok with partners outside of the community because it doesn’t feel like I would be somewhat mandated to create a connection with them? I also understand that poly is about autonomy of the other person, and I am struggling not feeling like I’m being restrictive. We aren’t partners yet, and I brought this up as a precursor to accepting a partnership. Am I the asshole here? Is this an unreasonable and toxic boundary to have?
NOTE: I realize it sounds like I’m saying “I don’t want to know their other partners! That’s too much work!” This is definitely not what I mean. I really just don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be in that close consistent proximity to an additional partner because I feel like it necessitates me forming a relationship with a secondary person and I don’t have the energy for that so deeply right now. I could still be an asshole though. Idk
submitted by SadInsurance247 to polyamory [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:45 TooPirate [Letter] I wrote my own Rules for Being a Man

Hi, I've never posted here before, but I discovered Dr. Peterson and have loved his content. I read his book on the twelve rules he selected, and found it exceptional. Before I discovered the good Doctor, I had already finished my 100 short rules, practical and otherwise, for being a man that I had discovered in my, admittedly pretty small, sum of twenty-two years. Here they are, and I hope they are appreciated.
100 Rules for Being A Man
  1. Always carry a pocket-kerchief.
  2. Keep a pen handy.
  3. Resist the urge to sit. Stand when acceptable. It burns calories, and helps fight laziness.
  4. Hold the door.
  5. Do not wear facial hair until it is possible for you to grow a full beard. It doesn't typically look great otherwise.
  6. If you can grow a full beard, do so at least once. You might like it.
  7. Be patient.
  8. Never display an undue amount of distress over one’s need to use the restroom.
  9. Observe more.
  10. Read often.
  11. Speak less.
  12. Listen more.
  13. Don’t drink bad alcohol. If it’s not smooth, it’s not worth it.
  14. Enjoy eating meat. Accept those who don’t.
  15. Go the extra mile on one’s personal presentation.
  16. Aim for excellence. Don’t settle for a “meh”.
  17. Treat others the way you’d treat your boss.
  18. Invest in a suit.
  19. Smell nice.
  20. Know how to fight and pray you won’t need to.
  21. Keep your quibbles to yourself and your god. No one likes a whiner.
  22. Compliment others frequently.
  23. Know how to cook some basic dishes, at the least.
  24. Appreciate your spouse
  25. Spend time with your children.
  26. Have a hobby and be good at it.
  27. Be diligent in your work, but don’t let it consume your life.
  28. Appreciate the company of children. You may never find a more honest critic.
  29. If you want to feel humble, watch a video of yourself.
  30. Respect others convictions, but stay true to your own
  31. Learn to make a dessert.
  32. Appreciate as many forms of music as possible
  33. Avoid vapid, shallow conversation. Always have a purpose.
  34. Do not gossip.
  35. Give gifts more often than you receive them.
  36. Do not lie.
  37. Stay informed on important matters.
  38. Determine for yourself what are “important matters.”
  39. Don’t give your heart away thoughtlessly.
  40. If you do give your heart to another, love wholly and completely, without reservations or second thoughts.
  41. Have an incredible dish only you can make just right.
  42. Have a meaning to life, the universe, and everything. Find your own path.
  43. Stay in the correct lane. It's called a passing lane for a reason.
  44. Keep your finances in order at all times.
  45. Enunciate.
  46. Be slow to anger, but if it is necessary, do so purposefully. Mindless rage is nothing but destructive potential.
  47. Challenge gravity daily. Don't drool on your pillow.
  48. Have a place for work, and a place to relax, and make sure it’s not the same place.
  49. Listen to all of Bohemian Rhapsody when it comes on the radio. Appreciate music.
  50. Be punctual at all times; never be late unless it’s to listen to the rest of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  51. Anxiety helps no one. Don’t practice it.
  52. Anything can become a terrible addiction when taken to excess. Let nothing but God rule your life.
  53. Carry yourself with purpose.
  54. Seek to be a story that many can admire and all can appreciate.
  55. Do not walk. Stride. Do not talk. Narrate. Life is better lived passionately.
  56. Don't half-ass anything. Do it all the way, or not at all.
  57. The most dangerous tool you have at your disposal is your ability to forgive. Learn to use it well, and often.
  58. Be a father to your children, so that when your son seems more like you every day, it does not strike him with fear or disappointment.
  59. Take care of yourself, no one else will.
  60. It is your civic duty to appreciate the splendour of creation, whether it is as breathtaking as a sunset, glorious as a mountain, simple as a caterpillar, or noble as a beautiful woman. Appreciate the beauty of life and it’s quirks.
  61. Cut what is unimportant to your life. Simplicity is where one may find peace.
  62. Clutter is a great way to constantly be stressed. Do not allow it in your household.
  63. Be fastidious about keeping your living space tidy.
  64. Sleep, a good diet, and a fair bit of exercise go a long way in keeping one’s mind keen and one’s emotions well balanced. Practice these activities daily.
  65. Confidence is enormously attractive. Arrogance is repulsive. Know the difference.
  66. Your masculinity is defined by you and no other. The manliest thing you can be is unafraid of others opinions.
  67. Learn to clean up after yourself. Your wife is your partner, not your maid.
  68. Do not seek out conflict, because if you find it, you will soon wish you hadn’t.
  69. Sex is not the end goal of interaction with women. They are people who just happen to be far more easy on the eyes. Act like it.
  70. Find time for silence in your life, whether that be in prayer, meditation, or simple stillness.
  71. The wisest words of comfort you can give involve no words. Sometimes the presence of a friend is enough.
  72. It's the little moments with the people in your life that mean the most. Appreciate them for what they are.
  73. Pursuing something great and falling short is not hypocrisy. It is merely human. Strive through failure.
  74. Being older does not guarantee maturity, rather, there must be a continual struggle to live in wisdom.
  75. It is essential to understand that until you recognise God and his power, it is impossible to change the inner or outer man.
  76. It is said that gratitude is the shortest lived emotion. Fix that in yourself.
  77. Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Make sure your words match the love that must live in your heart.
  78. You are a human being. Never overestimate yourself. As a fragile bag of meat and nerves, you cannot afford to.
  79. While a healthy diet is important, no one feels alive eating a kale salad. Enjoy good food.
  80. If the world is a courtroom, the last thing you are is a judge. You simply cannot afford to be.
  81. Learn to appreciate your own company.
  82. Motivation is codswallop. Discipline is not.
  83. Optimism is for suckers and pessimism is annoying. Assess and evaluate as well as you can, nothing more.
  84. Don't compare yourself to others. You'll either feel way better than you should or way worse, and both suck.
  85. You become like the people you surround yourself with, so make sure they're good people.
  86. Drink a truly incredible amount of water. Hydration is cool.
  87. Don't fear old age. Hope to make it there.
  88. Have sound political views that come from your convictions, not your party.
  89. Laughter truly is the best medicine, so obtain a sense of humour.
  90. If you truly want to love anything, make it a priority in your time. Pretty thoughts mean nothing.
  91. Words mean exactly jack. Your actions should show your words.
  92. If you fear something, make sure it's rational. That test? You'll be fine. Bear with machine guns for hands? Fear is appropriate.
  93. Feeling guilty? Fix it immediately. Ask for forgiveness, especially if it's from yourself.
  94. Be vulnerable and open, but only with those you trust deeply.
  95. Self control is extraordinarily difficult to practice. Do it anyway.
  96. Be gentle with everyone, as much as you can. Make your anger a privilege.
  97. You don't have time to be offended. Don't be. It probably doesn't matter.
  98. Learn what matters. Paint getting on your shoes does not. Your health does.
  99. If your outgo is greater than your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
  100. You’re perfectly safe under your sheets, but it’s not what you’re made for. Get up, get moving, and go make your life so much better that it bleeds onto others and makes theirs better.
submitted by TooPirate to JordanPeterson [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:43 ok0825 Finding a partner

I'm young, but ever since i realized i have ocd or some form of it, I've been worried about my future relationships. Im worried i'll never find someone who will put up with my crazy rules and discomforts. Has anyone felt this way? Or does anyone have a partner who understands?
submitted by ok0825 to OCD [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:39 SavagePrincessAndrea HIDDEN SECRETS - 1

It's a normal summer day and the halls of François Dupont Highschool is bustling with students, because it's a Monday morning and you can't expect any more or any less.
Summer break is around the corner and rumors are going about that the school is planning a summer dance but it hasn't been confirmed. After all, rumors will be rumors. No one comes late to school on a Monday like this but the only person that it doesn't apply to is the well-known for her incredulous lateness; Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
It isn't hard to arrive at school before 8:30 AM. Is it?
Dupain-Cheng Bakery "I'm late!" a certain blue-haired girl exclaimed as she ran up the steps of the school building.
Why couldn't Tikki have woken me up sooner? she thought as she got up from bed and fumbled around for a few seconds. I can't be late on a Monday! But I can't say it's Tikki's fault anyways, I'm known for being a heavy sleeper.
Digging through her closet, she found a clean pair of clothes after taking a rushed shower and brushing my teath.
Girls like her are bound to have the worst bed-heads in the whole of Paris.
She brushed out her medium length locks of Midnight Blue hair and grabbed a hair band, intending to put it into her original pigtails when she glanced at the clock and saw she was almost 20 minutes late.
So the bluenette left her hair down in the hopes that no one would notice.
Tikki flies into her bag a but wearily as she rushes put her bedroom and down the stairs.
Saying a quick good morning to her parents, she grabbed a croissant and headed to school.
The halls were lifeless and dull when I arrived.
How late am I?
The faint sound of her homeroom teacher Mlle. Caline Bustier marking attendance could be heard in the distance and she just called Adrien's name meaning that Marinette's name was next!
Without warning, the late girl barged into the room and yelled, “Present!”.
The class erupted on silent snickers and the bluenette's neck warmed up in embarrassment.
“Marinette. Why are you late to school, again?”
"Uh, bad hair day?" she replied awkwardly but to her it isn't much of a lie. If the excuse Chloe gives most of the time of a bad hair day and works, it ahpipd surely work for Marinette.
Either way, Marinette's mind was set on the motion that she was going to end up with a bad hair day eventually, she is the klutz of the century, after all.
“Go to your seat and try not to come late again. Please.” the teacher ordered.
Nodding her head, she quickly rushed the seat beside the infamous owner of the Ladyblog, Alya in the second row, behind Adrien's seat to avoid further humiliation.
The teacher left the classroom a few minutes after, saying something along the lines that ‘she needed to get some instructional materials for something’ leaving the students of their class to engage conversations with one another.
“Girl, what in the world happened to your hair?” Alya asked while holding some strand of the bluenette's silky dark hair in her hands.
“I woke up 5 minutes ago, how could I have had enough time to do my hair?” she answered her question with a role if the eyes and a hint of sarcasm in my voice.
“Really? 5 minutes ago?” Alya chuckled. “You really need to set your alarm clock to an earlier time, girl.”
"Probably won't matter because I'd sleep through it anyway" came her deadpan voice. Alya snorted and had one of Marinette's playful glares sent her way. Alya stopped for a moment to stare at Marinette's hair with somewhat amused eyes.
"Let me guess... I have a twig in my hair?" The bluenette squirmed causing her friend to giggle.
I really hope I don't actually have a twig in my hair, now that would be embarrassing. Marinette mentally shuddered.
"Mari, you're too funny but is not that. How is your hair longer now than it is when it's in pigtails?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
She started to smirk and turned to face where Nino and Adrien were sitting.
I wonder what she's thinkin- NO, SHE WOULDN'T!
"Marinette, I think we need the opinion of a male. Don't you think?"
Her throat ran dry She wants to ask Adrien for his opinion on my hair?! Has that girl finally gone nuts?! She gestured for her not to and gave her pleading eyes, but that didn't stop her so she ended up hiding her flushed face in her hands.
Hopefully, she thought. He won't notice me and think I'm a different person, a table or something.
"Yo Adrien! Marinette needs another opinion on how her hair looks. So Whaddya think?"
Marinette felt his gaze on her hair so she peeked through her dainty porcelain fingers and when she saw he didn't look disgusted or anything, lowered her hands fully with a shy smile.
"It actually looks amazing, I fits you perfectly!" he beamed showing off his dazzling white teeth but some people wouldn't notice his pink cheeks but Marinette did and wondered why he was blushing.
What a relief, I thought he'd say he hated it.
Marinette's POV
"Is it better than pigtails?" I squeaked.
"Yes, of course! This suits you better."
"T-T-thanks"
He turned back to face the teacher as she entered the classroom and I couldn't stop all the blood that rushed to my cheeks on the remark on my hair.
I guess if he likes my hair down, then I'll leave it down more often.
"Today class, I will sign you up with a partner for a project. The project is based on social interaction so I will place you with someone who is not a close friend to you so you can form special bonds with them and next week, you will tell us the new things that you have learned about them. Think of it as an opportunity to make new friends!
The partners are: Nathaniel and Sabrina Max and Mylene Rose and Nino Juleka and Ivan Alya and Chloe Marinette and Adrien.”
"What?!" Chloe stood up from her seat and shouted.
"What is the matter, Chloe?"
"How come I'm not with my Adrikins?!"
Ms. Bustier sighed and I did too, but under my breath.
I honestly wonder how Adrien puts up with her on a daily basis.
"Chloe, you can't be partners with Adrien. The two of you are already friends and this project is supposed to be based on people who aren't as close as you and Adrien are." The teacher replied matter-of-factly
"So you put me with Cesaire?!"
I looked over at Alya as Chloe said her name like that.
She looked that if she glared any harder at Chloe, she'll burn a hole in her cake-y face so I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and she calmed down before she popped a vein.
"Chloe, as far as I know, you and Alya are the people who get along the worst in my class. So sit down and deal with it."
She huffed and sat down.
I pity for Alya though, she will most likely die fo annoyance if Chloe doesn't drop her awful behavior and attitude.
Something tells me that this will be hard.
"Everyone, please move to sit with your partner and get to work in anyway that you can. I'll be in the teachers lounge if you need me" Mlle. Bustier left the class and everyone began changing seats.
I guess being partners with Adrien isn't at all bad for I doubt I'll be able to concentrate.
Besides, it is a way to get to know him better apart from my *cough* stalker moves *cough*
He stood up politely for Alya to sit down and came to stand where Alya is meant to sit.
Then he flashed my his genuine smile
This is gonna be a long week.
____
Go to my on Wattpad for earlier updates and more fanfics. Make sure to leave a follow! :3
submitted by SavagePrincessAndrea to MiraculousFanfiction [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:36 confused_smolbean [UPDATE] Did my boyfriend gaslight me or did I cross a line?

https://www.reddit.com/emotionalabuse/comments/j9ijno/did_my_boyfriend_gaslight_me_or_did_i_cross_a_line/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The original post is above. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who provided their input and advice, it means alot. I'm not sure if more updates are to come but this is the first one!
He came over last week in the middle of the night to discuss this after I texted him about what the crisis centers thought of the situation. I summarized what they all said and he suggested to call one of the hotlines together because he didn't seem to understand why his words/actions were abusive but he wanted to.
We told the hotline guy everything but with both our perspectives and intentions. Hotline guy ultimately couldn't quite find any form of abuse going on, just that we were both hurt emotionally but the fact that it seems like an isolated incident doesn't warrant abuse. More so that we're a couple that hadn't had to face this challenge before and that both of us had different reactions/perspectives/priorities that led to miscommunication.
Apparently his tone in his response text was supposed to be a matter of fact not cold and he found it inappropriate that I put our relationship in the mix ("do you value our relationship") which led to him being angry. He asked hotline guy the question, "what does that have anything to do with this situation?" And that it's not about us when I was trying to make it be. We differ in perspectives in that I wanted my message to be are you putting yourself first and do you care how I'd feel if something were to happen?
The reason why his texts have been sporadic after was that he needed to cool down and make sure to not take his anger out on me because he knew where I was coming from. I expressed that's fine but to next time say so with a quick text and not let me hang, he agreed to that arrangement.
He now understands I just wanted him to think about valuing himself/his health and I understand his only concern was for his friend during a stressful situation.
My bf also mentioned that he wanted to call the hotline in the first place because his dad was abusive and if there was any sign of him doing that to me he wants to know so he can fix it and be better than that.
When we talked again he said he's very independent (he doesn't like help either). According to him as we currently stand we are still separate individual people with no commitments to each other (living together for example). If our relationship was more serious to him then what I said in the texts would've taken a new meaning to him. He mentioned that we're casually dating, but we've made it official 8 months ago and are in the toothbrush/drawer phase so his definition of casual is different?
But as of right now he doesn't see us as intertwined to warrant my responses and that he's the type to be independent, do things on his own like videogames or trips, needs time to himself, and he has the right to make decisions that I don't have a say in and I can just support it/deal with it.
I feel like I'm a team player who'd consult my partner and make sure they'll be okay emotionally if I make serious decisions. I also enjoy spending plenty of time with my partner, while I don't mean everyday I definitely want more time with him but I know he needs space. I do too but I feel like I need more quality time with him. Also, during the text convo had it been the other way around I would've had a different reaction than him. Despite the situation I would've taken his emotional distress into account. I know his priority was to his sick friend and I wouldn't hold him against that but the way we treat others/think of them in those times is different. He'd still be a priority to me, but I wasn't to him at all. That and if he told me he wasn't sleeping/eating/and crying because of this I'd be concerned even if we had a fight and I was still pissed, but for him bring pissed at me he didn't care because it wasn't like I couldn't do those things because I was sick. That and I believe there's a difference between being direct and coming off as cold regardless of intent.
Another different thing is how we view relationship and priorities. I and many of my friends think it's weird/inappropriate to take care of an ex even if she's a dear friend, they mentioned it's as if he doesn't know boundaries. It's not about anything like cheating, cause he'd never do that. Rather the nature of their relationship and history kinda makes it strange and inappropriate still. I told him taking care of a family member is not the same as wanting to care for a friend who's his ex. He says it hypocritical of my friends and I to think like that because it's the same situation (for caring for a sick person) but we put labels on the people. He doesn't see the difference and I'm not sure if that's wrong or a red flag.
He admits I'm at the bottom regarding priority/trust (below his friends he's known for years) because, "why would I prioritize someone I've been dating for 8 months when I've known then for 8 years"? I know he likes me and wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be but what is that all about? I asked if I'll be at that the level of priority forever no matter the amount of time/how much we know each other he said he didn't know and that we'll see. The first few times he said it'll never change but I guess he changed his answer this time. The title of girlfriend doesn't change how he prioritizes me I guess.
When I asked for him to be mindful of how his directness may come off as cold, he doesn't care nor want to be a bit softer. That's just him, pretty set in his ways.
He's the type to take a long time of fall in love and make larger commitments. But I'm wondering with how different we are in these ways if it's worth it to stay and see if it'll work or leave because couples like us spell disaster? Especially with how he mentioned how I'm below his long time friends in priority/trust, I'm not 100% sure it that's subject to change so I'd at least be on equal standing in that hierarchy and be an integral part of his life. Or maybe that's not fair to me because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to have a higher level of care/priority?
It's clear I'm ready for more or something to move the relationship forward but is it unfair for me to wait? But if I leave I might miss out on what could've been if he does come to love me and value me more. That we could develop a long term interdependent relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially great if I think the grass will be greener on the other side if he's willing to work on us.
When I had my therapy appt. yesterday I was validated and my therapist said that even in emergency situations the ones you care about would still be a priority. He went on to say how my bf's strong bond with his friend may be blocking him from cultivating new/deeper bonds when his friend is the main focus regardless of the situation. He suggested that the label "friend" doesn't quite fit who she is to my bf considering his level of devotion and care to her, especially when there's some level of attraction lingering (though I know he'd never do anything to act on those feelings).
He then was confused about my bf's definition of a casual relationship and validated that with what we are/what we do with each other is not casual. And while it's okay to be independent he added that in a healthy relationship it's necessary to take a partner's feeling into account and give them influence, and that my boyfriend seems unwilling to do that (the first time my bf went to see his friend/stay at her place, months before she was sick, he did ask if I was uncomfortable about it and validated that I had a right to feel that way so he's capable to being mindful like that).
We talked about how my bf likes me and sees this being long term but my therapist mentioned that "like" and "long term" don't go together and posed the question of what is our relationship to him. I did tell him that it takes awhile for my bf to fall in love but that I see his point.
When I told him what my bf said about me being at the bottom of the priority hierarchy he told me that what my bf said ("we'll see") was not a good answer.
At the end of the session he stated that it seems my bf is emotionally immature and that the relationship is emotionally unsafe. That and there's alot of work to be done.
I've googled "emotionally immature" and "emotionally unsafe" but if anyone knows these terms and would like to give input I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll stay in the relationship, but my bf's reaction/willingness to work on himself will be a major factor for sure. I've tried my best to give my therapist his reasons for his actions/his perspective/his logic so he'll potentially question if I told his side of the story to the therapist but all I can say is I did my best to tell him everything.
submitted by confused_smolbean to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:34 confused_smolbean [UPDATE] Did my boyfriend gaslight me or did I cross a line?

https://www.reddit.com/abusiverelationships/comments/j9iist/did_my_boyfriend_gaslight_me_or_did_i_cross_a_line/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The original post is above. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who provided their input and advice, it means alot. I'm not sure if more updates are to come but this is the first one!
He came over last week in the middle of the night to discuss this after I texted him about what the crisis centers thought of the situation. I summarized what they all said and he suggested to call one of the hotlines together because he didn't seem to understand why his words/actions were abusive but he wanted to.
We told the hotline guy everything but with both our perspectives and intentions. Hotline guy ultimately couldn't quite find any form of abuse going on, just that we were both hurt emotionally but the fact that it seems like an isolated incident doesn't warrant abuse. More so that we're a couple that hadn't had to face this challenge before and that both of us had different reactions/perspectives/priorities that led to miscommunication.
Apparently his tone in his response text was supposed to be a matter of fact not cold and he found it inappropriate that I put our relationship in the mix ("do you value our relationship") which led to him being angry. He asked hotline guy the question, "what does that have anything to do with this situation?" And that it's not about us when I was trying to make it be. We differ in perspectives in that I wanted my message to be are you putting yourself first and do you care how I'd feel if something were to happen?
The reason why his texts have been sporadic after was that he needed to cool down and make sure to not take his anger out on me because he knew where I was coming from. I expressed that's fine but to next time say so with a quick text and not let me hang, he agreed to that arrangement.
He now understands I just wanted him to think about valuing himself/his health and I understand his only concern was for his friend during a stressful situation.
My bf also mentioned that he wanted to call the hotline in the first place because his dad was abusive and if there was any sign of him doing that to me he wants to know so he can fix it and be better than that.
When we talked again he said he's very independent (he doesn't like help either). According to him as we currently stand we are still separate individual people with no commitments to each other (living together for example). If our relationship was more serious to him then what I said in the texts would've taken a new meaning to him. He mentioned that we're casually dating, but we've made it official 8 months ago and are in the toothbrush/drawer phase so his definition of casual is different?
But as of right now he doesn't see us as intertwined to warrant my responses and that he's the type to be independent, do things on his own like videogames or trips, needs time to himself, and he has the right to make decisions that I don't have a say in and I can just support it/deal with it.
I feel like I'm a team player who'd consult my partner and make sure they'll be okay emotionally if I make serious decisions. I also enjoy spending plenty of time with my partner, while I don't mean everyday I definitely want more time with him but I know he needs space. I do too but I feel like I need more quality time with him. Also, during the text convo had it been the other way around I would've had a different reaction than him. Despite the situation I would've taken his emotional distress into account. I know his priority was to his sick friend and I wouldn't hold him against that but the way we treat others/think of them in those times is different. He'd still be a priority to me, but I wasn't to him at all. That and if he told me he wasn't sleeping/eating/and crying because of this I'd be concerned even if we had a fight and I was still pissed, but for him bring pissed at me he didn't care because it wasn't like I couldn't do those things because I was sick. That and I believe there's a difference between being direct and coming off as cold regardless of intent.
Another different thing is how we view relationship and priorities. I and many of my friends think it's weird/inappropriate to take care of an ex even if she's a dear friend, they mentioned it's as if he doesn't know boundaries. It's not about anything like cheating, cause he'd never do that. Rather the nature of their relationship and history kinda makes it strange and inappropriate still. I told him taking care of a family member is not the same as wanting to care for a friend who's his ex. He says it hypocritical of my friends and I to think like that because it's the same situation (for caring for a sick person) but we put labels on the people. He doesn't see the difference and I'm not sure if that's wrong or a red flag.
He admits I'm at the bottom regarding priority/trust (below his friends he's known for years) because, "why would I prioritize someone I've been dating for 8 months when I've known then for 8 years"? I know he likes me and wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be but what is that all about? I asked if I'll be at that the level of priority forever no matter the amount of time/how much we know each other he said he didn't know and that we'll see. The first few times he said it'll never change but I guess he changed his answer this time. The title of girlfriend doesn't change how he prioritizes me I guess.
When I asked for him to be mindful of how his directness may come off as cold, he doesn't care nor want to be a bit softer. That's just him, pretty set in his ways.
He's the type to take a long time of fall in love and make larger commitments. But I'm wondering with how different we are in these ways if it's worth it to stay and see if it'll work or leave because couples like us spell disaster? Especially with how he mentioned how I'm below his long time friends in priority/trust, I'm not 100% sure it that's subject to change so I'd at least be on equal standing in that hierarchy and be an integral part of his life. Or maybe that's not fair to me because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to have a higher level of care/priority?
It's clear I'm ready for more or something to move the relationship forward but is it unfair for me to wait? But if I leave I might miss out on what could've been if he does come to love me and value me more. That we could develop a long term interdependent relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially great if I think the grass will be greener on the other side if he's willing to work on us.
When I had my therapy appt. yesterday I was validated and my therapist said that even in emergency situations the ones you care about would still be a priority. He went on to say how my bf's strong bond with his friend may be blocking him from cultivating new/deeper bonds when his friend is the main focus regardless of the situation. He suggested that the label "friend" doesn't quite fit who she is to my bf considering his level of devotion and care to her, especially when there's some level of attraction lingering (though I know he'd never do anything to act on those feelings).
He then was confused about my bf's definition of a casual relationship and validated that with what we are/what we do with each other is not casual. And while it's okay to be independent he added that in a healthy relationship it's necessary to take a partner's feeling into account and give them influence, and that my boyfriend seems unwilling to do that (the first time my bf went to see his friend/stay at her place, months before she was sick, he did ask if I was uncomfortable about it and validated that I had a right to feel that way so he's capable to being mindful like that).
We talked about how my bf likes me and sees this being long term but my therapist mentioned that "like" and "long term" don't go together and posed the question of what is our relationship to him. I did tell him that it takes awhile for my bf to fall in love but that I see his point.
When I told him what my bf said about me being at the bottom of the priority hierarchy he told me that what my bf said ("we'll see") was not a good answer.
At the end of the session he stated that it seems my bf is emotionally immature and that the relationship is emotionally unsafe. That and there's alot of work to be done.
I've googled "emotionally immature" and "emotionally unsafe" but if anyone knows these terms and would like to give input I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll stay in the relationship, but my bf's reaction/willingness to work on himself will be a major factor for sure. I've tried my best to give my therapist his reasons for his actions/his perspective/his logic so he'll potentially question if I told his side of the story to the therapist but all I can say is I did my best to tell him everything.
submitted by confused_smolbean to abusiverelationships [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:33 confused_smolbean [UPDATE] Did my boyfriend gaslight me or did I cross a line?

https://www.reddit.com/abuse/comments/j9ih68/did_my_boyfriend_gaslight_me_or_did_i_cross_a_line/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The original post is above. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who provided their input and advice, it means alot. I'm not sure if more updates are to come but this is the first one!
He came over last week in the middle of the night to discuss this after I texted him about what the crisis centers thought of the situation. I summarized what they all said and he suggested to call one of the hotlines together because he didn't seem to understand why his words/actions were abusive but he wanted to.
We told the hotline guy everything but with both our perspectives and intentions. Hotline guy ultimately couldn't quite find any form of abuse going on, just that we were both hurt emotionally but the fact that it seems like an isolated incident doesn't warrant abuse. More so that we're a couple that hadn't had to face this challenge before and that both of us had different reactions/perspectives/priorities that led to miscommunication.
Apparently his tone in his response text was supposed to be a matter of fact not cold and he found it inappropriate that I put our relationship in the mix ("do you value our relationship") which led to him being angry. He asked hotline guy the question, "what does that have anything to do with this situation?" And that it's not about us when I was trying to make it be. We differ in perspectives in that I wanted my message to be are you putting yourself first and do you care how I'd feel if something were to happen?
The reason why his texts have been sporadic after was that he needed to cool down and make sure to not take his anger out on me because he knew where I was coming from. I expressed that's fine but to next time say so with a quick text and not let me hang, he agreed to that arrangement.
He now understands I just wanted him to think about valuing himself/his health and I understand his only concern was for his friend during a stressful situation.
My bf also mentioned that he wanted to call the hotline in the first place because his dad was abusive and if there was any sign of him doing that to me he wants to know so he can fix it and be better than that.
When we talked again he said he's very independent (he doesn't like help either). According to him as we currently stand we are still separate individual people with no commitments to each other (living together for example). If our relationship was more serious to him then what I said in the texts would've taken a new meaning to him. He mentioned that we're casually dating, but we've made it official 8 months ago and are in the toothbrush/drawer phase so his definition of casual is different?
But as of right now he doesn't see us as intertwined to warrant my responses and that he's the type to be independent, do things on his own like videogames or trips, needs time to himself, and he has the right to make decisions that I don't have a say in and I can just support it/deal with it.
I feel like I'm a team player who'd consult my partner and make sure they'll be okay emotionally if I make serious decisions. I also enjoy spending plenty of time with my partner, while I don't mean everyday I definitely want more time with him but I know he needs space. I do too but I feel like I need more quality time with him. Also, during the text convo had it been the other way around I would've had a different reaction than him. Despite the situation I would've taken his emotional distress into account. I know his priority was to his sick friend and I wouldn't hold him against that but the way we treat others/think of them in those times is different. He'd still be a priority to me, but I wasn't to him at all. That and if he told me he wasn't sleeping/eating/and crying because of this I'd be concerned even if we had a fight and I was still pissed, but for him bring pissed at me he didn't care because it wasn't like I couldn't do those things because I was sick. That and I believe there's a difference between being direct and coming off as cold regardless of intent.
Another different thing is how we view relationship and priorities. I and many of my friends think it's weird/inappropriate to take care of an ex even if she's a dear friend, they mentioned it's as if he doesn't know boundaries. It's not about anything like cheating, cause he'd never do that. Rather the nature of their relationship and history kinda makes it strange and inappropriate still. I told him taking care of a family member is not the same as wanting to care for a friend who's his ex. He says it hypocritical of my friends and I to think like that because it's the same situation (for caring for a sick person) but we put labels on the people. He doesn't see the difference and I'm not sure if that's wrong or a red flag.
He admits I'm at the bottom regarding priority/trust (below his friends he's known for years) because, "why would I prioritize someone I've been dating for 8 months when I've known then for 8 years"? I know he likes me and wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be but what is that all about? I asked if I'll be at that the level of priority forever no matter the amount of time/how much we know each other he said he didn't know and that we'll see. The first few times he said it'll never change but I guess he changed his answer this time. The title of girlfriend doesn't change how he prioritizes me I guess.
When I asked for him to be mindful of how his directness may come off as cold, he doesn't care nor want to be a bit softer. That's just him, pretty set in his ways.
He's the type to take a long time of fall in love and make larger commitments. But I'm wondering with how different we are in these ways if it's worth it to stay and see if it'll work or leave because couples like us spell disaster? Especially with how he mentioned how I'm below his long time friends in priority/trust, I'm not 100% sure it that's subject to change so I'd at least be on equal standing in that hierarchy and be an integral part of his life. Or maybe that's not fair to me because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to have a higher level of care/priority?
It's clear I'm ready for more or something to move the relationship forward but is it unfair for me to wait? But if I leave I might miss out on what could've been if he does come to love me and value me more. That we could develop a long term interdependent relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially great if I think the grass will be greener on the other side if he's willing to work on us.
When I had my therapy appt. yesterday I was validated and my therapist said that even in emergency situations the ones you care about would still be a priority. He went on to say how my bf's strong bond with his friend may be blocking him from cultivating new/deeper bonds when his friend is the main focus regardless of the situation. He suggested that the label "friend" doesn't quite fit who she is to my bf considering his level of devotion and care to her, especially when there's some level of attraction lingering (though I know he'd never do anything to act on those feelings).
He then was confused about my bf's definition of a casual relationship and validated that with what we are/what we do with each other is not casual. And while it's okay to be independent he added that in a healthy relationship it's necessary to take a partner's feeling into account and give them influence, and that my boyfriend seems unwilling to do that (the first time my bf went to see his friend/stay at her place, months before she was sick, he did ask if I was uncomfortable about it and validated that I had a right to feel that way so he's capable to being mindful like that).
We talked about how my bf likes me and sees this being long term but my therapist mentioned that "like" and "long term" don't go together and posed the question of what is our relationship to him. I did tell him that it takes awhile for my bf to fall in love but that I see his point.
When I told him what my bf said about me being at the bottom of the priority hierarchy he told me that what my bf said ("we'll see") was not a good answer.
At the end of the session he stated that it seems my bf is emotionally immature and that the relationship is emotionally unsafe. That and there's alot of work to be done.
I've googled "emotionally immature" and "emotionally unsafe" but if anyone knows these terms and would like to give input I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll stay in the relationship, but my bf's reaction/willingness to work on himself will be a major factor for sure. I've tried my best to give my therapist his reasons for his actions/his perspective/his logic so he'll potentially question if I told his side of the story to the therapist but all I can say is I did my best to tell him everything.
submitted by confused_smolbean to abuse [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:31 confused_smolbean [UPDATE] Did my boyfriend gaslight me or did I cross a line?

https://www.reddit.com/AbuseInterrupted/comments/j9ihpn/did_my_boyfriend_gaslight_me_or_did_i_cross_a_line/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The original post is above. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who provided their input and advice, it means alot. I'm not sure if more updates are to come but this is the first one!
He came over last week in the middle of the night to discuss this after I texted him about what the crisis centers thought of the situation. I summarized what they all said and he suggested to call one of the hotlines together because he didn't seem to understand why his words/actions were abusive but he wanted to.
We told the hotline guy everything but with both our perspectives and intentions. Hotline guy ultimately couldn't quite find any form of abuse going on, just that we were both hurt emotionally but the fact that it seems like an isolated incident doesn't warrant abuse. More so that we're a couple that hadn't had to face this challenge before and that both of us had different reactions/perspectives/priorities that led to miscommunication.
Apparently his tone in his response text was supposed to be a matter of fact not cold and he found it inappropriate that I put our relationship in the mix ("do you value our relationship") which led to him being angry. He asked hotline guy the question, "what does that have anything to do with this situation?" And that it's not about us when I was trying to make it be. We differ in perspectives in that I wanted my message to be are you putting yourself first and do you care how I'd feel if something were to happen?
The reason why his texts have been sporadic after was that he needed to cool down and make sure to not take his anger out on me because he knew where I was coming from. I expressed that's fine but to next time say so with a quick text and not let me hang, he agreed to that arrangement.
He now understands I just wanted him to think about valuing himself/his health and I understand his only concern was for his friend during a stressful situation.
My bf also mentioned that he wanted to call the hotline in the first place because his dad was abusive and if there was any sign of him doing that to me he wants to know so he can fix it and be better than that.
When we talked again he said he's very independent (he doesn't like help either). According to him as we currently stand we are still separate individual people with no commitments to each other (living together for example). If our relationship was more serious to him then what I said in the texts would've taken a new meaning to him. He mentioned that we're casually dating, but we've made it official 8 months ago and are in the toothbrush/drawer phase so his definition of casual is different?
But as of right now he doesn't see us as intertwined to warrant my responses and that he's the type to be independent, do things on his own like videogames or trips, needs time to himself, and he has the right to make decisions that I don't have a say in and I can just support it/deal with it.
I feel like I'm a team player who'd consult my partner and make sure they'll be okay emotionally if I make serious decisions. I also enjoy spending plenty of time with my partner, while I don't mean everyday I definitely want more time with him but I know he needs space. I do too but I feel like I need more quality time with him. Also, during the text convo had it been the other way around I would've had a different reaction than him. Despite the situation I would've taken his emotional distress into account. I know his priority was to his sick friend and I wouldn't hold him against that but the way we treat others/think of them in those times is different. He'd still be a priority to me, but I wasn't to him at all. That and if he told me he wasn't sleeping/eating/and crying because of this I'd be concerned even if we had a fight and I was still pissed, but for him bring pissed at me he didn't care because it wasn't like I couldn't do those things because I was sick. That and I believe there's a difference between being direct and coming off as cold regardless of intent.
Another different thing is how we view relationship and priorities. I and many of my friends think it's weird/inappropriate to take care of an ex even if she's a dear friend, they mentioned it's as if he doesn't know boundaries. It's not about anything like cheating, cause he'd never do that. Rather the nature of their relationship and history kinda makes it strange and inappropriate still. I told him taking care of a family member is not the same as wanting to care for a friend who's his ex. He says it hypocritical of my friends and I to think like that because it's the same situation (for caring for a sick person) but we put labels on the people. He doesn't see the difference and I'm not sure if that's wrong or a red flag.
He admits I'm at the bottom regarding priority/trust (below his friends he's known for years) because, "why would I prioritize someone I've been dating for 8 months when I've known then for 8 years"? I know he likes me and wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be but what is that all about? I asked if I'll be at that the level of priority forever no matter the amount of time/how much we know each other he said he didn't know and that we'll see. The first few times he said it'll never change but I guess he changed his answer this time. The title of girlfriend doesn't change how he prioritizes me I guess.
When I asked for him to be mindful of how his directness may come off as cold, he doesn't care nor want to be a bit softer. That's just him, pretty set in his ways.
He's the type to take a long time of fall in love and make larger commitments. But I'm wondering with how different we are in these ways if it's worth it to stay and see if it'll work or leave because couples like us spell disaster? Especially with how he mentioned how I'm below his long time friends in priority/trust, I'm not 100% sure it that's subject to change so I'd at least be on equal standing in that hierarchy and be an integral part of his life. Or maybe that's not fair to me because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to have a higher level of care/priority?
It's clear I'm ready for more or something to move the relationship forward but is it unfair for me to wait? But if I leave I might miss out on what could've been if he does come to love me and value me more. That we could develop a long term interdependent relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially great if I think the grass will be greener on the other side if he's willing to work on us.
When I had my therapy appt. yesterday I was validated and my therapist said that even in emergency situations the ones you care about would still be a priority. He went on to say how my bf's strong bond with his friend may be blocking him from cultivating new/deeper bonds when his friend is the main focus regardless of the situation. He suggested that the label "friend" doesn't quite fit who she is to my bf considering his level of devotion and care to her, especially when there's some level of attraction lingering (though I know he'd never do anything to act on those feelings).
He then was confused about my bf's definition of a casual relationship and validated that with what we are/what we do with each other is not casual. And while it's okay to be independent he added that in a healthy relationship it's necessary to take a partner's feeling into account and give them influence, and that my boyfriend seems unwilling to do that (the first time my bf went to see his friend/stay at her place, months before she was sick, he did ask if I was uncomfortable about it and validated that I had a right to feel that way so he's capable to being mindful like that).
We talked about how my bf likes me and sees this being long term but my therapist mentioned that "like" and "long term" don't go together and posed the question of what is our relationship to him. I did tell him that it takes awhile for my bf to fall in love but that I see his point.
When I told him what my bf said about me being at the bottom of the priority hierarchy he told me that what my bf said ("we'll see") was not a good answer.
At the end of the session he stated that it seems my bf is emotionally immature and that the relationship is emotionally unsafe. That and there's alot of work to be done.
I've googled "emotionally immature" and "emotionally unsafe" but if anyone knows these terms and would like to give input I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll stay in the relationship, but my bf's reaction/willingness to work on himself will be a major factor for sure. I've tried my best to give my therapist his reasons for his actions/his perspective/his logic so he'll potentially question if I told his side of the story to the therapist but all I can say is I did my best to tell him everything.
submitted by confused_smolbean to AbuseInterrupted [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:28 confused_smolbean [UPDATE] Did my boyfriend gaslight me or did I cross a line?

https://www.reddit.com/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/j9ij9s/did_my_boyfriend_gaslight_me_or_did_i_cross_a_line/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The original post is above. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who provided their input and advice, it means alot. I'm not sure if more updates are to come but this is the first one!
He came over last week in the middle of the night to discuss this after I texted him about what the crisis centers thought of the situation. I summarized what they all said and he suggested to call one of the hotlines together because he didn't seem to understand why his words/actions were abusive but he wanted to.
We told the hotline guy everything but with both our perspectives and intentions. Hotline guy ultimately couldn't quite find any form of abuse going on, just that we were both hurt emotionally but the fact that it seems like an isolated incident doesn't warrant abuse. More so that we're a couple that hadn't had to face this challenge before and that both of us had different reactions/perspectives/priorities that led to miscommunication.
Apparently his tone in his response text was supposed to be a matter of fact not cold and he found it inappropriate that I put our relationship in the mix ("do you value our relationship") which led to him being angry. He asked hotline guy the question, "what does that have anything to do with this situation?" And that it's not about us when I was trying to make it be. We differ in perspectives in that I wanted my message to be are you putting yourself first and do you care how I'd feel if something were to happen?
The reason why his texts have been sporadic after was that he needed to cool down and make sure to not take his anger out on me because he knew where I was coming from. I expressed that's fine but to next time say so with a quick text and not let me hang, he agreed to that arrangement.
He now understands I just wanted him to think about valuing himself/his health and I understand his only concern was for his friend during a stressful situation.
My bf also mentioned that he wanted to call the hotline in the first place because his dad was abusive and if there was any sign of him doing that to me he wants to know so he can fix it and be better than that.
When we talked again he said he's very independent (he doesn't like help either). According to him as we currently stand we are still separate individual people with no commitments to each other (living together for example). If our relationship was more serious to him then what I said in the texts would've taken a new meaning to him. He mentioned that we're casually dating, but we've made it official 8 months ago and are in the toothbrush/drawer phase so his definition of casual is different?
But as of right now he doesn't see us as intertwined to warrant my responses and that he's the type to be independent, do things on his own like videogames or trips, needs time to himself, and he has the right to make decisions that I don't have a say in and I can just support it/deal with it.
I feel like I'm a team player who'd consult my partner and make sure they'll be okay emotionally if I make serious decisions. I also enjoy spending plenty of time with my partner, while I don't mean everyday I definitely want more time with him but I know he needs space. I do too but I feel like I need more quality time with him. Also, during the text convo had it been the other way around I would've had a different reaction than him. Despite the situation I would've taken his emotional distress into account. I know his priority was to his sick friend and I wouldn't hold him against that but the way we treat others/think of them in those times is different. He'd still be a priority to me, but I wasn't to him at all. That and if he told me he wasn't sleeping/eating/and crying because of this I'd be concerned even if we had a fight and I was still pissed, but for him bring pissed at me he didn't care because it wasn't like I couldn't do those things because I was sick. That and I believe there's a difference between being direct and coming off as cold regardless of intent.
Another different thing is how we view relationship and priorities. I and many of my friends think it's weird/inappropriate to take care of an ex even if she's a dear friend, they mentioned it's as if he doesn't know boundaries. It's not about anything like cheating, cause he'd never do that. Rather the nature of their relationship and history kinda makes it strange and inappropriate still. I told him taking care of a family member is not the same as wanting to care for a friend who's his ex. He says it hypocritical of my friends and I to think like that because it's the same situation (for caring for a sick person) but we put labels on the people. He doesn't see the difference and I'm not sure if that's wrong or a red flag.
He admits I'm at the bottom regarding priority/trust (below his friends he's known for years) because, "why would I prioritize someone I've been dating for 8 months when I've known then for 8 years"? I know he likes me and wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to be but what is that all about? I asked if I'll be at that the level of priority forever no matter the amount of time/how much we know each other he said he didn't know and that we'll see. The first few times he said it'll never change but I guess he changed his answer this time. The title of girlfriend doesn't change how he prioritizes me I guess.
When I asked for him to be mindful of how his directness may come off as cold, he doesn't care nor want to be a bit softer. That's just him, pretty set in his ways.
He's the type to take a long time of fall in love and make larger commitments. But I'm wondering with how different we are in these ways if it's worth it to stay and see if it'll work or leave because couples like us spell disaster? Especially with how he mentioned how I'm below his long time friends in priority/trust, I'm not 100% sure it that's subject to change so I'd at least be on equal standing in that hierarchy and be an integral part of his life. Or maybe that's not fair to me because I'm his girlfriend and I'm supposed to have a higher level of care/priority?
It's clear I'm ready for more or something to move the relationship forward but is it unfair for me to wait? But if I leave I might miss out on what could've been if he does come to love me and value me more. That we could develop a long term interdependent relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially great if I think the grass will be greener on the other side if he's willing to work on us.
When I had my therapy appt. yesterday I was validated and my therapist said that even in emergency situations the ones you care about would still be a priority. He went on to say how my bf's strong bond with his friend may be blocking him from cultivating new/deeper bonds when his friend is the main focus regardless of the situation. He suggested that the label "friend" doesn't quite fit who she is to my bf considering his level of devotion and care to her, especially when there's some level of attraction lingering (though I know he'd never do anything to act on those feelings).
He then was confused about my bf's definition of a casual relationship and validated that with what we are/what we do with each other is not casual. And while it's okay to be independent he added that in a healthy relationship it's necessary to take a partner's feeling into account and give them influence, and that my boyfriend seems unwilling to do that (the first time my bf went to see his friend/stay at her place, months before she was sick, he did ask if I was uncomfortable about it and validated that I had a right to feel that way so he's capable to being mindful like that).
We talked about how my bf likes me and sees this being long term but my therapist mentioned that "like" and "long term" don't go together and posed the question of what is our relationship to him. I did tell him that it takes awhile for my bf to fall in love but that I see his point.
When I told him what my bf said about me being at the bottom of the priority hierarchy he told me that what my bf said ("we'll see") was not a good answer.
At the end of the session he stated that it seems my bf is emotionally immature and that the relationship is emotionally unsafe. That and there's alot of work to be done.
I've googled "emotionally immature" and "emotionally unsafe" but if anyone knows these terms and would like to give input I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll stay in the relationship, but my bf's reaction/willingness to work on himself will be a major factor for sure. I've tried my best to give my therapist his reasons for his actions/his perspective/his logic so he'll potentially question if I told his side of the story to the therapist but all I can say is I did my best to tell him everything.
submitted by confused_smolbean to NarcissisticAbuse [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:15 orange0401 [Store] 29 Knives, 9 Gloves, Skins, Cash (methods listed in post), 51 Arcanas, $10000+ Cash >> Pandoras WW, Skeleton CW, 2x MW Fire Serpent, Deagle Blaze FN, 2x Glock Fade, Flip Black Pearl, MW Spearmints, Falchion Ruby/Sapphire, Butterfly Doppler P3, .007 Bayo Ruby, .25 Vice, M9/Bayo Lore FN

CASH IS NOT THE SAME AS STEAM WALLET FUNDS OR CSMONEY FUNDS. STOP OFFERING ME 'GOOD' OVERPAY IN STEAM WALLET FUNDS.

I DO NOT ACCEPT PAYPAL AS PAYMENT.

I TAKE ITEM OFFERS AS WELL, VIRTUALLY ALL PRICES ARE NEGOTIABLE TO CURRENT CASH MARKET PRICES.

Please note that float rankings may be out of date. Keep them in mind as general rankings, and check for yourself if you so wish.
Reddit DM is not a good way to contact me. Instead, add me or send a trade offer through steam.

IF YOU BLATANTLY IGNORE ANY OF THE ABOVE, I WILL INSTANTLY BLOCK YOU. READ IT.


Screenshots are unreliably hosted on csmoney. If you'd like to see screenshots, message/add me to ask for them.

Knives

[H] B/O Notes Trade Lock
Bayonet Ruby FN .007x $2450 -
M9 Bayonet Lore FN .05x $1400 -
Skeleton Knife Crimson Web FT .24x $1150 10/23
M9 Bayonet Lore MW .11x $1020 10/23
Falchion Knife Sapphire FN .007x $700 -
Bayonet Lore FN .06x $635 -
Flip Knife Black Pearl FN .04x $600 -
Falchion Knife Ruby FN .008x $580 -
Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth FN .03x $560 -
Butterfly Knife Slaughter MW .09x $515 -
M9 Bayonet Fade FN .03x 97.2% $510 10/23
Karambit Doppler FN P3 .01x $430 BTA blue/Corner -
Butterfly Knife Crimson Web FT .37x $360 -
Butterfly Knife Blue Steel MW .10x $330 -
Butterfly Knife Blue Steel FT .23x $310 -
Karambit Vanilla $320 -
Butterfly Knife Rust Coat BS .65x $250 -
M9 Bayonet Bright Water FN .05x $230 -
M9 Bayonet Bright Water FN .04x $230 -
Survival Knife Vanilla $210 -
Paracord Knife Case Hardened FT .23x $210 -
Bowie Knife Marble Fade FN .007x $190 -
Flip Knife Doppler FN P4 .01x $197 -
Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh FT .36x $180 -
Falchion Knife Doppler FN P1 .01x $165 -
Stiletto Knife Tiger Tooth FN .04x $163 -
Shadow Daggers Slaughter MW .10x $90 -
Falchion Knife Ultraviolet BS .51x $65 -

Gloves

[H] B/O Notes Trade Lock
Moto Gloves Spearmint MW .12x $2900 -
Sport Gloves Vice FT .25x $1180 -
Sport Gloves Pandora's Box WW .39x $1000 10/23
Sport Gloves Omega MW .13x $750 -
Sport Gloves Superconductor WW .40x $560 -
Driver Gloves King Snake FT .25x $550 -
Sport Gloves Omega FT .21x $450 -
Hand Wraps Cobalt Skulls FT .28x $440 -
Specialist Gloves Fade FT .26x $380 -

Skins

[H] B/O Notes Trade Lock
Glock-18 Fade FN .05x 91.2% $730 -
Glock-18 Fade FN .01x 88.8% $710 -
AK-47 Fire Serpent MW .08x $555 10/29
AK-47 Fire Serpent MW .14x $533 10/29
Desert Eagle Blaze MW .07x $255 -
AK-47 Vulcan MW .09x $100 10/29
ST Scar-20 Crimson Web MW .12x W/ LDLC Holo $120 -
ST AWP Graphite FN .01x $850 https://s1.cs.money/H2gVzoz_image.jpg -
ST Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN .06x $800 https://s1.cs.money/V9rBZZD_image.jpg -
Glock-18 Twilight Galaxy FN .04x $800 https://s1.cs.money/KfdSXIg_image.jpg -
Souvenir Galil AR Cerberus MW .11x $800 https://s1.cs.money/F0wLqIx_image.jpg -
ST P250 Undertow FN .06x $800 https://s1.cs.money/q5JTNNH_image.jpg -

Misc

[H] B/O Screens Notes Trade Lock
51 Dota2 Arcanas $17 ea - "Good" arcanas -
Complexity Holo Katowice 2014 $900 10/29
Ninjas in Pyjamas Katowice 2014 $230 10/29
$10000+ Cash (methods listed below) Skins, keys, gloves, etc. Stiletto Blue Steel .433298824x PI 999 for $65 - Various services may incur fees (I do not pay them). -

CASH:

(please note that certain methods may incur fees that I do not pay). I offer and accept payments through
I am interested in buying for cash, usually cashouts and knife/glove/skin sales.
If you're interested in cash trades, I won't go first unless you have some form of rep greater than mine.
If an item is on trade hold and you want to guarantee its purchase, you can
  1. Pay 5% of the value to reserve it and pay the other 95% once its tradeable or
  2. Pay a full (sometimes slightly discounted) price on the item.
Otherwise I will trade the item normally, as if the offer did not exist.
Tradelink
CSGORep Cashrep
submitted by orange0401 to GlobalOffensiveTrade [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 21:11 AuthenticSpace 28 [M4M][Dating][Friendship][Dallas, TX, Anywhere] Looking for a real connection.

So now that we have a sub where we can share more emotional content, I thought maybe I'd write some more about me, in addition to the other post I made. This is going to be a huge wall of text, so, I'm sorry/you're welcome?

This pandemic sucks, the world is on fire, and we need human connection now more than ever. I have always believed in the value of relationships and HATE the "love yourself before you can love others" rugged individualist mentality. It's totally false and damaging. Human connection is how we grow, learn, introspect, and become better people. It's how we get this sense of reality, security, grounding and strong attachments.

I understand that relationships come and go, and lifetime bonds are extremely hard to form. I'm not saying that I don't want a lifetime bond if I can have it, but even if we're together for just a moment in time and it makes us better, gives us belonging, purpose and closure, then I guess that's not so bad. Where it gets messed up is when the other person feels forgotten.

I don't want that. I don't want to get ghosted and forgotten about.

Okay, enough rambling. Lemme tell you about me in concrete terms:

I'm a disabled dude in Texas trying to survive the pandemic and basic existence, to be honest. I'm a proud leftist, and nothing is more terrifying than watching Capitalism grind people down for profit, and have people defend this system.

I love video games, reading, film, tv and doggos.
Games I'm currently playing: For Honor, Star Wars Battlefront 2.

I love a game with a good story, so games like Red Dead Redemption 1 and 2 hold special places in my heart. Don't even talk to me about The Last of Us Part 2 unless you hate it as much as I do.

Favorite book by far is The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. If you love this book, we're already soulmates. Some other faves are I'll Give you the Sun by Jandy Nelson and Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey Mcquinston.

I have way too many films I love that have made an impact on me. I LOVE dissecting films and seeing what works and what doesn't, especially with horror films. My fave horrors are Hereditary and Midsommar, tied closely with The Babadook. Mysterious Skin is one of my favorite haunting books and films. Joseph Gordon Levitt gave his best performance ever, and you can't convince me otherwise.

TV is the same as film. I'm always watching something. To be honest, if you don't accept that Bob's Burgers is my comfort show that I watch to nap, for comfort, and literally never get tired of it, we're going to have a rough time. I absolutely adore Bojack Horseman, The Good Place, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, The Boys, and SO many others.
Media is something I've lived with and grown up by for most of my life. So all of these things I consume and have listed resonate with me very strongly. This is how I relate to the world. I will admit, though, that it does make it harder when I find fellow fans of this stuff and they don't see what I see, or understand why I see it. It's almost kind of alienating.

I struggle with alienation a lot. In many social groups and situations, there's always that moment that others me, and it's impossible for me to go back. It could be talking about drinking culture, hookup culture, whatever tells me that "Oh, I'm not like these people" and it's kind of this instant assumed rejection. So I've struggled a lot with that in my adult life.

I have trauma all over the place, from medical, sexual, emotional, you name it. I almost don't know where I end and the trauma begins. But I'm learning and trying to understand it. Luckily for me, I'm a social sciences nerd. So all of this stuff about relationships, empathy, psychology are totally my jam.
Speaking of, I am BIG into attachment theory. I'm an anxious style, so that means I really need stability, security, consistency in my partners. I'm getting better at realizing if those needs aren't going to be met, and then it's time for me to bail. So if you can't meet those needs, or any needs I list, it's cool and I get it, but we're probably not going to mesh.

What I want, more than anything, is to find my partner, that person who understands me, reciprocates my feelings, sees the value and worth in me, and needs me as much as I need him. We grow together, we help each other, we affirm and love, and challenge. Someone good natured and easy going, calm, stable and emotionally present. I wanna find this person, have all the bomb-ass sex, have a wonderful life together of laughter and love, and eventually raise a dog family with. THIS IS MY TOP PRIORITY. So I treat conversations and dating with a very mindful perspective, and do my best to avoid situations that aren't going to give me what I'm looking for. Nothing personal. I just don't want to play games and have to make guesses as to who you are and what you're thinking and feeling.

If you're reading this and you're like "Ay, this person is dope af. But I'm not gonna be boyfriend material" then that's totally cool! If you think you're friend material, please please please still reach out. I will take any opportunity to find kindred spirits that I can.

If you've read all of this and you're interested, first of all I appreciate you reading. I know it's a gigantic wall of text but hopefully formatted in the least offensive way possible. I'd love to hear from you and see where things go.
If you want a good sense of me, beyond this, check out Twitter as I mainly lurk and get downvoted to hell on Reddit. My twitter is Disgaybled, and I'm kinda obsessed with it. I also have pics there!
Again, thanks for reading. You're the best. Even if this isn't your thing, I really hope you find what you're looking for.
submitted by AuthenticSpace to dateademi [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:56 leandracreativeco BIG WEDDINGS INTO ELOPEMENTS WITH COUPLES PHOTOGRAPHER LEANDRA CREATIVE CO.

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Hey Reddit, family! (okay, mostly couples!)
I'm new here, but I wanted to introduce myself & provide some hopefully helpful information during this wacky season of life we're in right now because love is still worth celebrating.
I'm a couples, elopement & intiame wedding photographer based in NC & CO but I (typically) travel (safely) worldwide for my amazing couples. I really believe that timeless and extraordinary photographs look and FEEL different when they are created by someone that truly takes the time to connect with you & your unique story. When your images come from the eyes of someone that actually values you, everything changes. In addition to being in love with capturing love stories, I'm a big fan of vintage shops, driving through any mountains, creole food, and I'm dying to get a frenchie and name it Larry.
I help couples turn their big wedding into an elopement! I can will full certainty it will be the best decision you've ever made. I've seen couples heartbroken, devastated and totally distraught this year after planning and replanning only to have their big "dream wedding" canceled. I am so amazed and proud of these couples because for everyone that I helped turn their wedding into an adventure elopement or intimate wedding cried with me after their day and told me that this was the best decision they ever made. Each celebration has been so unique, intimate, ACTUALLY FUN & totally focused on them, rather than the decor, or the dumb friends you didn't want to invite anyway.
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If you need help transitioning your big wedding into an elopement or intimate wedding, I'm your gal, I'd love to help! I know you might feel defeated right now, but just know that everything you we're excited about your wedding day IS NOT lost, in fact there are still so many ways to make your day incredible & special. You deserve the celebration of your dreams!
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submitted by leandracreativeco to u/leandracreativeco [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:52 PyrisManaburst UPDATE #2 : BIL chooses to *move out*. EPs are very quick to pawn him off

Like I said on my last post : https://www.reddit.com/entitledparents/comments/j20hn6/update_ep_thinks_its_okay_to_spread_rumors_about/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
The Holidays brought with them more drama.
Names are changed, of course.
2 weeks ago now, this happened. I sat on it for a form of conclusion to it, though I'm sure more will inevitably happen.
So this mostly began as a follow up to the time Marcus (Wife's(Now known as WQ) youngest brother) ran away from home for a small while. Only reason he didn't stay away, to my understanding, was that he was found. This was actually the event described in my last post.
This time, in no small part I'm sure due to WQ's urging he can contact her no matter what for help, Marcus texted WQ asking if he could crash at our (my parent's) home temporarily. WQ and I cleared it, made sure he would be able to do what he needed in regards to school and such, and he was quickly on his way. The only condition? SF and MIL were made aware.
Marcus happily agreed, and he texted his mother "I am leaving tonight. We've talked about me moving out and I am eager to leave, even if I don't currently have a job. I'll be staying at least a night with WQ while I figure things out." Marcus is at the age at which, as long as he decides it voluntarily, he can leave his parent's home and they legally cannot hold him there, btw. Relevantish later.
As soon as MIL reads this, she calls WQ and, according to WQ, doesn't begin with worry. She waits all of 5 seconds before saying "Okay, he's your financial responsibility now. We'll get him to sign the paperwork saying so (which does not exist, as far as we know).
Annoyed, WQ tells me she talked her down, getting her to understand this was not all that was happening, that Marcus was moreso helping his BF at the moment, as he had had a similar and more pressing issue at home, and BF was still under the legal threshold age.
In between the texts and calls, Steve, ever so nosy, decided he needed to get involved and texted WQ "So what's your plan?" WQ, who agreed with everyone that Steve didn't need to get involved, and that we wouldn't be biting at his consistent hassling, simply told him she didn't know what he meant. He got mad, saying she was playing dumb, and she quickly shut him down, telling him he could talk directly to Marcus, as he asked us to do so often. He tried a bit, but when WQ explained to MIL that it was hard to handle Steve and her at the same time, he mysteriously stopped.
As they got home(Marcus, BF, WQ, and my mother who had driven them) they got to speaking. Everyone agreed that Marcus should not go home, all very familliar with the toxicity present there. More urgent was BF, however, who's father was threatening to come retrieve him, even though we had never given him an address.
He seemed to somehow have gotten it anyway, as he showed up 45 minutes later and demanded we return BF. When we refused, he called the police.
While we waited, Marcus and BF called Child Services to find a solution for BF, and we were told that they couldn't help, but even the police couldn't drag BF out of the house, and that they would likely instead attempt to convince BF's dad to leave. Spoiler, as this sub-plot is barely relevant, they did just that and all was good.
Now we wondered how BF's dad had found us, as locstors were turned off and as previously mentioned, we hadn't told him. We assumed MIL and SF had told him, somehow, which made us angry, but was all in all further proof that they were powerless.
MIL insisted on speaking to us, but no one answered the phone and WQ consistently told her that they would have information when it was available, most likely the next day or later. This didn't really work, so eventually we stopped responding.
MIL continued insisting that Marcus wasn't ready to be on his own, stating they'd spoken about it (this was an argument used on WQ as well, before we finally moved out). She argued he'd need to get to school (we had a plan) and tbat he'd need a computer (we had that) and all that kind of stuff before finally getting the hint that she could speak dorectly to her son if she needed as WQ wasn't in charge of all this.
The week went by and Marcus lived life in a bit of a blur, by the looks of it. He went out with BF, came home and remained quiet. He seemed nervous and we did our best to accomodate him, even if the only available place was the couch. We decided he would need to speak to his grandparents, as they had previously taken in Brother #2 ajd his wife.
This happened over that weekend. They had 2 video calls planning things out, while Marcus tried to argue for his and his BF's space to live there until they had their own place. Unfortunately, GM and GP were very accepting, but strict, and a rule they stood by was, unless you had been with a partner for long enough (I believe a year) or were engaged/married/had a child together, the partner was not to be there at family events, so it was to be expected that BF wouldn't be moving in. GM and GP also are devoted Christians, and the sharing a bed before marriage thing is a nogo in their home.
As this was happening, we learned that the stories told to each child varied wildly between them : While #2 will be told that CAS was never called, we get accused of calling them. While GP and GM get told Steve's ex never showed up with his son, we get told that its our fault he lost custody, even temporarily.
We spent a while corroborating stories and picking out the truth, amd GM especially was flabbergasted. She said to WQ "that's not my daughter" when we told the stories of MIL attacking us as well, supported by Marcus's statements that ever since we left, she'd been moving from.passive aggressive to outright copying SF's attitudes. This reinforced the decision most of us had made to go no contact, and eventually GM and GP picked up Marcus.
The last communication we had with MIL, to my understanding, was her texting WQ insisting we pick up Marcus's dog, but then backtracking and saying SF saidn"she stays". This doesn't sit well with us, as SF has a history of violence with #2's dog, and now that Marcus is out... well...
As of now, I expect another story around X-mas, because its funny how they are timed that way, but thats the update!
submitted by PyrisManaburst to entitledparents [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:40 spruce1234 Any resources on mild/moderate dissociation? Can't find anything so far :(

TL;DR: Resources for learning about moderate but not severe forms of dissociation? I'm processing some trauma I didnt realize I had and am trying to figure out what's going on with me.
Is anyone familiar with any resources on dissociative symptoms that are more on the mild to moderate end of the spectrum?
Most of what I've been able to find out there makes reference to how everyone dissociates a little bit, like the example of spacing out while driving, but I'm more interested about what's in the middle- still of "clinical significance" but not necessarily inducing amnesia? (I have blocked out some memories- mostly from childhood but some more in more recent years as well. I suspect it's from dissociation because it's all stuff where my parents were mad at me.)
Like... maybe just emotional amnesia? Or feeling like I'm aren't part of the real world, but not really with any visual disturbance?
Is that even dissociation?
If this isn't the right place for me I really apologize. I'm realizing I'm not as healthy as I thought I was (I was in denial about how abusive my parents are for a long time, and that extended to denial about how their actions have affected me.) I've got a solid therapist, supportive partner, went NC with my parents when they ramped up their abusive rather than listen to me when I tried to confront them...
...but if anything I feel worse, like my I'm cracked open or disintegrating or dissolving or something.
Sorry now I'm rambling and I don't even know if any of this makes sense, or if it's even relevant to dissociation.
Thanks for taking the time to read this! I appreciate it!
submitted by spruce1234 to Dissociation [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:35 Erin327 I need some comforting and advice about the end of my (24F) relationship (25M)

I had dated this man for almost a year and it has been a whirlwind of feelings. I fell deeply and so did he. We have shared so many great memories but I have also had to navigate helping him separate himself from a parent who has ruined his credit, and livelihood because they would commit fraud in his name. I helped him find a place to live very quickly as even his own parent would not allow him to live with her if he didn't pay an astronomical amount of money. He has been moving from job to job too unable to be steady for longer than a few months.
The problem is, despite the abuse he has endured by this parent he continues to go back and be manipulated by them. He has been clueless about any form of life skills because his parent purposely ensured he would remain dependant on her so they could continue to take advantage and control. I have tried my best to provide advice and even my family has helped him set up things, like finding out his credit score, getting his social insurance number changed, and creating new bank accounts and tax accounts so he can prevent his parent from accessing his funds. This has been the source of a lot of fighting, but most often we have fought due to money stuff. He hides things from me for fear of my reaction but that means he ends up lying to me right to my face. A couple days ago one big lie caught up to him and I found out he is behind on his rent for the place I helped him find and move into, I had a panic attack and flew over to his house and made him leave work early so we could both talk to the landlord. This has completely thrown me for a loop because I had loaned him money for the rent and yet somehow he is behind when he should have been able to save money each time he was paid at work to pay the rent. He had some job troubles in September, but he should have had enough money saved unless he was continuing to let his mother steal from him.
He is now at risk of being evicted and instead of communicating with the landlord he hides and lies. Lying has been a coping mechanism for him since he was a child and no matter how much I show him how much I love him and insist he be honest no matter how bad it is, he continues to lie. I don't think I can ever trust him and I know I had no other option but to end this relationship, as I don't think he will ever change given that I have helped him so much and he has disregarded it and taken me for granted. I don't know how to get over this and I am so distraught and depressed. My heart is so broken and I feel like he only cares about his feelings. When I became so mad with him that night I flew to the landlords he slammed my car door and spat on my car, blocking and deleting me on everything like I meant nothing to him.
He has since unblocked me because I cried and cried about how he could erase me so fast from his life. Every time I express to him how I feel I always get, "don't you think I know that" or "Well I am also feeling so bad for what I have done to you" or he tries to make excuses "I haven't lied to you the whole time only recently, or I did that out of frustration" He wants one more chance but I don't think he will ever change, I feel so bad to leave him when he is struggling but I don't know what else to do and I am struggling because of the way I have been treated. I feel like long term he would continue to lie, or at least I would never trust him again, and he would continue to self sabotage his finances by wasting his money on unnecessary things instead of what's important, meaning I could never rely on him to contribute to a household if we were to live together.
I felt like that night was the last straw and I went over to give him back the items he bought me and that he left at my house. He bought me a very cute Pandora ring that I loved so much, but I gave it back because I felt like it meant nothing in the moment given the way he treated me. I wanted him to delete the pictures I have sent him that were a little risqué too as now I am worried he might do something "out of frustration" and I don't know if I trust him to keep them to himself anymore. I would also love some reassurance that I am doing the right thing because I really don't think this is healthy for me to stay no matter how much I love him. I truly love him so much but I can't keep living like this. I'm not a perfect person either, when I have gotten angry I have called him names and been rude with him, but I always apologize and tell him I will be better. The problem is the more he would hide things from me or blatantly fuck up his life more even after I tried to guide him, it would make my blood boil. So definitely on both sides it just wasn't healthy for either of us.
As I was deleting the pics on his phone names of women popped up in his texts. I clicked one text and it was sexting! He moved on after 1 day and was trying to deny sexting other women. I found a collection of porn and nudes on his phone in addition to our pictures together and my not so conservative pictures. I think I managed to delete them all, although after he zoomed away in his car claiming he had other plans he told me they might have backed up. I think he's only saying that to scare me. He continued to gas light me via text and make it seem like I'm the bad person because I would flip out on him when he would blatantly lie about where he was spending his money for him to not afford rent. I'll be honest I became quite controlling because I felt like I had to hold his hand with ensuring he was doing what he needed to do to recover from the financial instability his mother and himself caused, but I guess he just wants to continue to live under his mother's thumb and let her take care of him, even if it means giving her all his money.
I tried my best and while I know I wasn't perfect, I loved him so much and I would have never welcomed him into my home and to meet all my family had I not been sure if this was real. Now I have a watch with engraving that is coming in the mail for his birthday and I can't even return it. He claimed he had a ring to propose but didn't provide proof, I am pretty sure he only said that when he saw the picture I showed him of the shipping notification for the watch. How could he afford a ring but not rent? He loves to one up me. He plays the victim all the time then projects back everything I say to make it seem like it's my fault he is this way and that I am the one who made him move from his mom. I just tried to help him find a healthy place to be but I guess he would rather break his rental contract and move back with mommy. I don't know anymore I'm such a mix of emotions and I feel so damaged by the way he flipped a switch on me in his personality yesterday. I felt so scorned that I gave his landlord his mom's address so she could proceed suing him for monies owed. Now I regret doing that but at the time I wanted revenge for the way he treated me like a piece of trash when the breakup could have been civil. He wanted a hug goodbye and I refused after I realized he was texting new women. What an asshole.
He was about to cry because I gave him all the things he bought me back, including a little promise ring he got me for my birthday, but why would I want to keep it after the way he treated me. It felt like his love was fake, but now I am also questioning whether I did the right thing. Maybe I should still give him the watch? I don't know anymore I just am scared of how he's going to cope with this breakup and I'm putting it on myself because I know this broke him too despite the way he treated me. I know I should care more about my feelings and to focus on my own process through grief, but this is just how I am thinking and I need some reassurance that I'm not a complete asshole and that I did the right thing by ending the relationship.
TL;DR: My partner betrayed my trust and treated me like garbage when he realized I was going to end the relationship. He is emotionally unstable and I worry for his safety because I don't know how he will cope with this break up (he claims to have thought about suicide in the past so now I'm scared I've fucked him over worse by ending it and telling his landlord his mom's address so he can be served). I feel like I need to choose my happiness no matter how much I love him but I am second guessing whether I am did the right thing and I feel guilty for my own actions. I also have a watch I engraved with a personal message for him and I don't know what to do with it now that we are over.
submitted by Erin327 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:30 iffygf I have the symptoms of betrayal trauma but.....

I thankfully haven't caught him watching porn or anything that could be considered virtual cheating, what he did was barely mild to what a lot of you here have experienced, so I feel like a fraud. He's my first partner, so I don't have experience with exes being PAs either, it doesn't make sense that i'm so overly sensitive and feel i may be overreacting. I really think I might just have a control issue.
Anyways, the only thing he's done was because I started the conversation, and he must of misinterpreted?. Basically, in the beginning of our relationship when we first started getting sexual and having conversations like that, I told him I remembered the first porn video I watched, described it, but that I wasn't going to show him or anything. I don't know why I said that tbh, I suppose being inexperienced that was my way of making conversation and shifting it to sexual matters. I was not anti-porn/thought much about it, i mean, I used it from time to time myself! He insisted I show him and I kept saying no and he said he remembered his first one too, took his phone out, looked up the video, and showed me.
I shut down. I was feeling a lot of things but didn't know what exactly, let alone could verbalize it. I got up to leave and he kept asking me what was wrong and then when I just said I was tired, goodnight tty tomorrow, he told me how he wasn't going to masturbate to the video, that he was going to think of me etc etc. He knew exactly what I was feeling more than I did. I never knew this was a boundary I had and that it was something that didn't sit right with me at all. I looked the girl up. She was nothing like me. If I had tried to find the first porn video I watched to show him, it might of taken a while. But he remembered her name. Her first and last name. I'm not good at remembering names, but I remember hers, and I'll still sometimes look her up to compare myself to her, maybe as a form of self-harm. We didn't bring it up to talk about it, he didn't ask anything and I didn't want to say anything either. I was still working out if how I felt was valid.
I've since came to the conclusion that it is valid, but seeing as how I was the one that brought it up, I felt I couldn't complain. One day I told him how I felt about porn after I had solidified my views on it, and he told me to not worry because he doesn't watch it. I felt relieved, but that night he showed me that porn video when I didn't ask to see it comes back to haunt me much too often. Especially during movies.
Every time scantily clad actresses came on he would tell me a variation of how hot he found them. His comments just served to add to injury. I wouldn't say anything but just sit there and think about why he felt he needed to point out other women's attractiveness so much. I have eyes, I know they're hot. Were they having such an effect on him he couldn't help but blurt it out? These were the thoughts running through my mind. When he suggested a movie to watch, I felt physically sick at the prospect of hearing him make remarks about the women. I was not looking forward to it. These were movies I would of otherwise felt okay with watching before. His comments were the type I probably would've been okay with too before he showed me that porn video. After I told him how porn consumption was a deal-breaker, he stopped making comments. Have I found actors in movies hot? yes. Does he know who exactly? no. When I notice a man is attractive it's just a passing thought, I don't dwell on it. Let alone feel a need to tell my boyfriend. I can't enjoy movies anymore, they're triggering, I notice the hypersexualization in everything now.
I've told him how I felt uncomfortable with nudity in movies, framed it as in I hate women being used as props, how these type of scenes add nothing of value, but I'm not sure it's true. I think I'm more jealous than anything else and I hate myself for it. He'll still suggest movies with lots of nudity in them, and I feel like it's a slap in the face and almost offended. I'm at a point where I think I'm being crazy and unfair to him. Maybe he used to make the comments to lighten the mood, who knows. But all I can think about now is how I already know what he's thinking. He's let me know his unfiltered thoughts before. He's just not saying them out loud anymore. And that's what makes me sad. I don't want to change his behavior, it feels toxic and abusive of me. I'm thinking I should maybe break up with him and work on my own insecurities... I just wish he'd kept his thoughts to himself, then I wouldn't worry about them like I do now, the way he doesn't have to about mine.
submitted by iffygf to loveafterporn [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:23 wassim0 Be wary of OceanEx

Robbed by OceanEx and they are not even acknowledging it, I’m usually more careful but I put too much trust in an exchange. Heres what happened.
Out of nowhere I got locked out of my account one day trying to login. Online form said that my password was wrong but thats impossible. I have it written down and it hasn’t changed for some time. That shouldn’t be a problem anyway because I have 2FA enabled on a device that doesn’t even connect to the internet. So I go through KYC again to gain access to my account, after it finally was approved I can login again but behold, my account is empty. I had a little bit of BTC in there and a ton of VTHO. I follow the address on blockchain explorer and it clearly shows that the VTHO was deposited in the OceanEx account after I got locked out. After contacting OceanEx about this they said that I should have a strong password and 2FA enabled which in fact I did. It would be impossible for anyone to login to my account so the funds were clearly moved from within OceanEx, who else would deposit funds into an OceanEx account anyway. Please don’t keep anything on that exchange or any really. I have been a Vechain loyalist since Ven days but have lost some faith because they are partnered with these thieves.
submitted by wassim0 to CryptoCurrency [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:22 wassim0 Be Wary of OceanEx

Just posted this to Vechain and thought it should go here too.
Robbed by OceanEx and they are not even acknowledging it, I’m usually more careful but I put too much trust in an exchange. Heres what happened.
Out of nowhere I got locked out of my account one day trying to login. Online form said that my password was wrong but thats impossible. I have it written down and it hasn’t changed for some time. That shouldn’t be a problem anyway because I have 2FA enabled on a device that doesn’t even connect to the internet. So I go through KYC again to gain access to my account, after it finally was approved I can login again but behold, my account is empty. I had a little bit of BTC in there and a ton of VTHO. I follow the address on blockchain explorer and it clearly shows that the VTHO was deposited in the OceanEx account after I got locked out. After contacting OceanEx about this they said that I should have a strong password and 2FA enabled which in fact I did. It would be impossible for anyone to login to my account so the funds were clearly moved from within OceanEx, who else would deposit funds into an OceanEx account anyway. Please don’t keep anything on that exchange or any really. I have been a Vechain loyalist since Ven days but have lost some faith because they are partnered with these thieves.
submitted by wassim0 to OceanEx [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 20:14 emandem23 TITANIC INSPIRED ROLPLAY 🚢 (F4A PLAYING M)

Hey, guys!
I am Alaska and I am 21F. I am looking for a partner who could play out this plot with me which is based on the plot of the movie Titanic.
My plot is a bit different than the movie and you'll soon get to know why. As for me- I am an experienced rolepayer and I am literate too. I have been doing this since a year and have learnt a lot about the art of roleplaying!
Enough about me- as for the plot, it involved my character- Belle and yours- Steve. Both of them come from rich families. The most elite families in New York. Belle is naive, bubbly and a hopeless romantic while Steve is staunch, stern and a womanizer. They have been arranged to marry so that their families can form a strong alliance in New York. Steve is complaining against the idea of marriage. He prefers being in the company of the woman he's having an affair with while Belle is excited to try her best to find love. Will she be able to keep up with Steve and make him love her as well or would she end up in a loveless Marriage? Most importantly, would they survive the biggest obstacle that they are going to face aboard the titanic?
The dynamic between members of both families, the tone set and the uneventful incident sinking of the titanic have always piqued interest in me. So, if you are willing to give this a shot then let me know!
I would be open to any suggestions you might have or any changes that you'd like to make to this plot. So, if you are interested and willing to play this plot out with me- let me know and hopefully we can build on a plot that works for the both of us! 🌸
submitted by emandem23 to RoleplayPartnerSearch [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 19:46 johancolli 30 Years of Pet Shop Boys' Behaviour

Hi guys, this album has been very important to me lately and I decided to write about it for its 30th anniversary, I hope you enjoy and hopefully we can talk about the album and your experiences with it!
///
It was around 2011 when I got my first iPod. I was also 12 years old, about to start my teenage years and middle school, a horrible stage in everyone’s life, but more so for a queer boy living in a low class Mexico City neighborhood. Like books, pirate CD’s and videogames before it, my iPod was my new escape method for a reality that didn’t even want to understand me.
Curiously, the man that got my new device ready to go (a coworker of my uncle’s business), was a Pet Shop Boys fan. When he synchronized his computer with my iPod, the entire discography of the UK pop band got printed on it. I was already familiar with the Pet Shop Boys, of course. My parents were fans of their greatest hits and knew to regard them as staples of 80’s pop music even if they only knew songs like “West End Girls” and “New York City Boy”. Their taste for dad rock and one hit wonders from the 80’s and 90’s has always been a part of me, which meant that I could only get into the more digestible pop songs from the duo’s catalog in the beginning.
For example, I listened to “Can You Forgive Her?” from the album Very on repeat, but when it transitioned into “I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind of Thing”, I was quickly put off. Nowadays it sounds like the most pop thing ever, but back then it was very uninteresting to me as a kid who was listening to the Top 40 radio all day. You can imagine how I reacted to Behaviour when I first put play on it. It is Pet Shop Boys most subtle, melancholic album and to my ears back then, their most boring. I didn’t even try to engage with it, especially since I always thought “So Hard”, the lead single, was one of their weakest.
Eventually, that iPod got lost and I started listening to other kinds of music. I was introduced to every genre possible thanks to the remaining blogs from the MySpace era I never experienced and the festival line-ups I obsessed over, and I didn’t go back to the Pet Shop Boys until 2016 when they released their Super album and I revisited Very, finding it to be one of the best pop albums ever made. That same year I got to see them live and experience first hand the magic of Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe, who were already over ten years into their career before I was even born, still vibrant and witty. Joyous and elegant at the same time. I was 17 by then and in my second year of high school. The student community in my school was accepting and we all hung out with everyone every day, regardless of social conditions, sexual and gender identity, or any division the institute’s administration and our homes tried to remark upon us. For a moment, we created a bubble where anyone could do anything and it made life more bearable.
It’s 2020 now, and things have obviously changed a lot. Many of my friends are in college right now, some are working and others are trying to find something that feels correct for them to do. Overall, I wasn’t seeing them that much even before the pandemic. But, like an old friend, the Pet Shop Boys came out with a new album named Hotspot, and as a way to prepare and revisit their sound I decided to listen to Behaviour for the first time. It’s been helping me survive this year for 10 months now.
Behaviour was released 30 years ago, and yet its feeling of melancholy and anxiety remains current and relevant, maybe more so than in recent years. It may be linked to many important historical things that were happening around at the time, but ultimately, it’s an album about heartbreak. It deals with it from various standpoints: heartbreak caused by the loss of a friend, of a lover, of youth, of optimism. Heartbreak caused by unrequited love, an insincere artistic scene and the rise of capitalism. But Neil Tennant is not one to write the kind of songs that go “what has the world come to?” (the bonus track “Miserabilism” is a jab at the growing image of artists romanticizing depression in the media). He is an observant, and his omnipresent eye is at his most clever in Behaviour.
“Being Boring”, one of the best songs the duo has ever written, opens the record masterfully painting a scene: “I came across a cache of old photos and invitations to teenage parties” sets the whole mood, we can see a grown up man going through a stack of past memories ready to tell a story. And he does, for the photos by themselves cannot tell the true events. He takes us to the days where the doors of the closet were just starting to get opened for some. The song doesn’t stop there, though. Chris Lowe guides us through time with a masterfully mellow instrumental break before Neil delivers the breathtaking verse “All the people I was kissing, some are here and some are missing, in the nineteen-nineties” before mentioning that he is now “the creature” he was always meant to be but never thought he could, like it’s nothing. Because maybe, in the end, maybe even achieving your true form isn’t a big deal for anyone. Time goes on.
This feeling of resignation permeates the entire album. Almost no lyric in here puts the narrator or subject of the song in a position of choice or power. The second track “This Must Be the Place I Waited Years to Leave”, describes the emotional sequels the protagonist can’t get rid of, even if they can recognize the place that gives them nightmares as something unhealthy that they are able to abandon physically. In tracks like “To Face the Truth”, about a toxic relationship described by someone who cannot leave their partner, who is actively hurting them, their thoughts are already fully formed. The resignation isn’t painless, in fact it doesn’t start until the narrator realizes how much it hurts. “Only the Wind” sees Neil describe a little wind making trees fall down, so unbothered it doesn’t feel like an issue. Later in the song, when it is suggested the storm may become worse, he goes: “My nerves are all jangled, but I’m pulling through, I hope I can handle what I have to do”. This is the sort of realistic optimism we all have had to acquire during recent months.
“My October Symphony”, about a Russian artist who is insecure about their art after the fall of communism (“shall I rewrite or revise my October symphony?”) speaks to our current anxiety about our political ideas and motivations becoming obsolete, and yet the accents Johnny Marr’s guitar help illustrate the event like a newsflash about “how October let us down” and the song ends asking if perhaps the move should be switching “from revolution to revelation”.
It is heartbreak above any political or social event we may share with the early 90’s the thing that resonates the most with us to this day, and the last two tracks illustrate perfectly how, at the end of the day, there is nothing scarier than waiting for our phones to receive a message from someone in particular, to no avail. “The End of the World” with its dramatic title, talks about how each time we feel heartbroken we feel everything is about to end (“The prophets all predicted extinction, the Virgin spoke in apparitions, and if it all came to pass now, you’d feel we’d all deserve it somehow”). It’s about the power we let someone else have over our entire stability, and how to an exterior eye it may seem as unhealthy and dangerous. The song invites us to take an empathy step and see it from the outside. Wouldn’t we tell somebody in our position that they will be ok in time? That they will get through it? That, ultimately, it’s just a boy or a girl and that it isn’t the end of the world?
Being empathic isn’t always easy though. In “Jealousy”, the marvelous finale, our narrator depicts a night of anxiety waiting for a call from someone special, and in that spiral of desperation and intrusive nights, they begin to understand that maybe the person they keep thinking about just doesn’t care about them. The song doesn’t end when Neil sings the final line: “I never knew ‘till I met you”, after that punch to the heart, an orchestra of synths takes over with a melodramatic outro that describes somebody’s realization that their unrequited love has to come to an end. For just a small moment, many different ends of the world are taking place and a new one is about to begin.
“Jealousy” was among the first songs the Pet Shop Boys wrote, during their first demo recording session, but it didn’t find a place until Behaviour. And just like Behaviour was initially met with a lukewarm response critically and commercially, in time it found its place as a crucial point in 90’s pop history. Its sound is the culmination of things they tried with their first two albums (maybe if Introspective hadn’t been such a hit Behaviour would have been received better), it’s elegant and sad but not in a downer way, the snark of Neil’s writing help the melancholic music float above the level of depressing and gives us the opportunity to sing the songs as if we’ve already moved past our own grief. That is why, 30 years after, Behaviour is still one of the best records ever made. With it, looking back, you will always be able to rely on a friend.
submitted by johancolli to popheads [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 19:37 yellow_magician My partner's spouse visa requires my British naturalisation date, but I don't remember it... Problem?

Currently helping my partner fill out the FLR (M) form.. One of the questions in the form is whether the partner (I) was born British or became naturalised. I'm naturalised, so it then asks for the exact date I became a British citizen.
Unfortunately while I remember the month and year, I don't remember the exact date, and I think I've misplaced my citizenship certificate (whoops).
We're thinking of writing an additional letter for the application, stating that while I'm pretty sure I became a British citizen in December 2011, we're not sure of the exact date.
Obviously it's very hard for anyone to say if getting the date wrong is grounds for refusal or not.... Does anyone have experience with putting in rough estimates for dates instead of the exact ones, and still having successful applications?
Thanks in advance.
submitted by yellow_magician to ukvisa [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 19:02 bigcountry1983 Are You Looking for an Accountability Partner?

Recently, several people have reached out to reconnect 🤝. A recurring theme has come to my attention 🤔. People who are ordinarily super productive are finding it more and more challenging to stay on track.
I'm a Strategy Consultant and Executive Coach. I've been thinking of ways I can do my part. One idea has bubbled up to the top of my list. It involves setting up a six-month accountability partner program for people in need of a positive influence to help them reach a big picture growth goal.
If you're interested please click the link below and fill out the questionnaire. I'll get back to you shortly with more details on the program.
SURVEY LINK
submitted by bigcountry1983 to accountability [link] [comments]


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